Monday, October 13, 2008


Last night I watched an interview on C-Span with Bob Schieffer. It was troublesome.

He said that he was glad he didn't reach fame until he had experience. Of course that meant years of being behind the scenes in D.C.

I felt guilty watching it. I couldn't help but feel that same nudge I always feel when I see anything political... like I should be doing soo much more. So what's my problem? I've asked myself that many times. What am I so afraid of?

It isn't being rejected. It isn't being in fights...

I think it's this fear that it will never truly make me happy, but that instead I will be a slave to it... for the rest of my life. And that scares me.

But it also haunts and taunts me... and pushes me closer to it... And then I freak out and run wildly away.

Right now my three inspirations are Thomas Paine, Kenley from Project Runway and Kate Holmes.

Kate Holmes has a truly smart sense of style.

Kenley is incredibly, amazingly resilient. I wonder if she will win the show? She's got this moxy and brashness that is rare in women... It sort of needs to be tweaked a bit I think... Because she's destructive and monstrous at times right now... but I think her fierce spirit could be a positive thing in the end... I don't know why, but I find her uplifting somehow...

Thomas Paine... I've been reading him a lot for classes lately. He's widely regarded as brilliant... and yet... he's also terribly human... and... somehow a bit tragic.

Anyway... I loved seeing my mother. It was amazing. And I now have Holly Golightly colored hair... Thanks Mom.

But... I also was reminded of how hard she works... how much she saves... and how deep and enduring her values are. I feel convicted and saddened.

Quality is a rare thing today.

Speaking of which... Notorious, the new fragrance bothers me... I was expecting something else... Both Notorious and Magnifique smell like late 80's/early 90's perfumes from my childhood... humm...


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