To Top It Off

Well, today I have a cold. Hopefully it's not H1N1.... :)

I bought a brown wool hat the other day. My purchase was inspired by a picture I found in a Vogue from the 1950's and a red wool hat I already own.

More recently I wandered around the city to find a shoe repair shop. After asking a charming barber for help I finally made my way to a shop owned by a sweet older man named Jerry. Jerry did wonders with my boots. They were a mess and now they look as good as new and he only charged $15.00

It's been cold here in general. I'm not ready for the cold. But it's inevitable of course. At least I can wear my new hat...

I couldn't find a theater near me playing An Education... Although I did watch Mad Men... of course. And it was fabulous... again... of course.

I met a charming young man the other day... :) To my surprise he was a few years younger than me and yet seemed about as level-headed as many of the guys my age... Maybe even more mature than a lot of them. I don't know what to think of it... For some reason I've always had the idea that I would end up with a guy older than me... moreover in the past I've almost always dated the oldest son in the family.... The fellow I just met is the youngest of three boys... I doubt anything will come of it. However, it has opened my eyes to what might really work best with my personality. Sometimes I think it really is true that a person must fail and try again and again to really get something right... At least in romance?

Above It All

I took a walk to the library wearing three and a half inch heels... I made it there without much trouble... but I couldn't make it back. So I had to call a friend who lives near the library to come bring me a pair of shoes. Ridiculous. I know. But I could not go without shoes and I certainly wasn't going to wear my heels for another second. My feet would probably have just detached themselves from my legs and ran far, far away...

However, for the short time I wore heels (something I never do) my life was altered. I was likely at at least 5 ft. 11 inches when I was wearing those heels.... which was MARVELOUS! It was such an uncanny feeling for me to be the same height ,or nearly the same, as many of the men I passed and taller than many of the women because there was a odd sensation of privacy that I wasn't expecting... And yet it didn't feel awkward. I felt sleek, lady-like and serene, in fact. It was lovely. I am going to wear heels again as soon as my feet recover and I can take off the bandages... :)

This week I plan to see the movie An Education and watch my weekly dose of Mad Men. Lately I've been enthralled by the series.

(ps I am also very excited about the recycled wool coat that I just purchased, as pictured below.)

Fashionably Noxious

This week seems, so far, to be best summarized in the words of Brad from this week's episode of "The Rachel Zoe Project." When Rachel Zoe, celebrity stylist, found herself feeling very ill and at the point of throwing up Brad, with great wit, declared, "...you're like fashionably noxious..."

I feel in the middle this week. It doesn't feel like fall yet but, as of yesterday, it officially is. I haven't found a job, but I'm in the middle of looking, applying and taking interviews. And the news, when not horrific, is at best unnerving. So I watch "The Daily Show" as an antidote and occasionally "The Andy Griffith Show."

So much feels like it's up in the air. In my personal life, even though I plan to go to Wales next fall there are still no guarantees and a part of me feels pressure to cave in and do something extraordinarily "practical" instead of going overseas to study... But then I stop to think about what I want my life to be and I realize I can't let go of my dreams. Even if they seem drawn out and pale due to stress and the cloud that is temporarily hanging over many matters right now... Because letting go of the future and allowing one's situation to overcome truth and hope never pans out in the end... no matter how convincing and perversely "practical" doubt may seem.

Last night my mother and I decided, yet again, to go for a walk. However this time we also ate at a nice little restaurant nearby. I ordered a piece of chocolate layer cake and coffee. It was pleasant, but really eating fruits and vegetables straight from the garden is my preferred treat. Silly sounding I suppose, but it's true. I have never been a big fan of chocolate. I know, it's odd or perhaps even blasphemy to some people... but I really do love my freshly picked tomatoes, cucumbers, chives, lettuce and a nice vinaigrette.











Then we walked past a little bridal boutique that always features one particularly lovely dress in the window. I'm not sure who the designer is... but I LOVE it. The fabric is soft and luxurious but also light and airy. It's serious and elegant and yet modern and fun. Yay! I loved it...

~

A pair of light blue eyeglasses from the 1950's arrived in the mail yesterday at my mother's. Apparently my aunt and another family member were exploring my great grandparent's place when they ran across them. They thought the glasses had once belonged to my mother so they sent them to her. I couldn't resist trying them on.. :)

~

~On another note, I have to say, I truly enjoyed President Obama's speech the other night. If you are interested, for any reason, here's a link to the bill: http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h3200/text

The Day

Today was an odd day. Due to many highly emotional conversations and dealings with the world lately I woke up today already a bit on the tired side or at least with a heavy heart. In time I am sure I will feel much better about everything.

I listened to President Obama's speech today. Of course it was brilliant as usual, however this time I cried. He seemed so fatherly and kind. I also felt a bit guilty when I started to personalize his message and contemplate my own contribution... I'm sure there were others in the audience who were experiencing the same emotions.

Because of my need for a small break from self-reflection I then I flipped the tube and watched reruns of the Rachel Zoe Project. Poor Brad. He is so lovable and yet seems to find himself in hot water so often and I don't think the show would be half as entertaining without him. I am such a Brad fan. By the way, lately I have become an ardent viewer of EastEnders... There is just something about that show. It's like therapy, entertainment and just pure wonderful in half hour pieces.

After watching Rachel Zoe I then I washed dishes and doubled-checked my email account to see if I had any job offers. I didn't. So I cleaned out my purse.

And now I am sitting here wondering how one actually implements the grand, patriotic and inspiring arguments of Obama's speech if you aren't still in school. I will be next fall... Perhaps one just takes more responsibility for everyday life details? Prays... And perhaps one reads more and better... and tries harder to actually grasp something sane and truthful from this ridiculously complicated, beautiful and overwhelming world.

To Be Human

Sometimes I, very ignorantly, tend to think that the problems of today are somehow new and unique to this generation. However I recently have been reading song lyrics from decades past and I am intrigued by the similarity in our troubles. Somehow I am surprised by this and I really shouldn't be... I mean it's not like people are a different species than they were fifty years ago...

I guess I find it horrible in a way. I mean there are so many people who are so very sad and down... And there are cases where the person just gives up hope... Looking back at those cases with hindsight vision I just wish I had a time machine to go into the past and tell them to hold on just a bit longer... because if they did their life would improve... I am suddenly reminded of the movie The Butterfly Effect...

I found out today that I could have gone to Wales this fall if certain paperwork had just been sent to me sooner... (I just got it in the mail today... and it's too late now to get a visa)... I find this so ridiculous that I don't know what to do. I'm not angry. I just wonder what life would be if I had received the paperwork sooner... and I suppose I'll never know this side of eternity. It may not be a dramatic enough difference to change my life much... but then again I don't know that. Perhaps I was never meant to go to Wales this fall... and God would not let fate change its tune.

Time is a fabulously fascinating thing isn't it...

In a way I am thankful I'm not in Wales... because I feel I am doing things worthy of time and energy right now, while I am home, that I couldn't do otherwise. So there it is...



Fashion has taken an intriguing view of the past lately too. I am loving the 40's styles this fall... The 1940's are my favorite years for fashion by far. :)

A Bridge Over Time

Lately I've been having many memories from early childhood flooding into my mind. Some of them are sad and some of them are just bittersweet... very bittersweet. It's a deluge of emotion occasionally and all I can do is sit back and ponder.

One thing is for certain though... I can no longer naively ignore my inner voice. Of course the very term "inner voice" sounds so flaky to some people... But I have one. I know I do. And it is usually right.

Sometimes my inner voice, or what others might call their "gut," tells me things about myself. Other times there is a sort of knowledge, through this brand of intuition, about other people. Currently I am pondering my memories... and what they mean about my life and me in general... Some fly in the face of previous conceptions about my life... and the people in it. Others simply add to the collage of emotions that form my prevailing mood and disposition, which is a melancholic one.

Of course the trick I suppose is not to let the past trump the beauty or importance of today... But I let it anyway. It's a bit like being in one of those period rooms at an art museum... like those at the Met in New York City... They sort of capture you for a moment... if you let them. And you feel like the past is more vital than the present... or maybe that it simply has a louder, clearer voice... a voice that's impossible to silence or ignore. It must be listened to and it will speak until it is finished... a bit like an angry person who's been waiting too long for something.. and no longer will abide by normal standards of politeness. It must force it's way... or cease to exist.

So I have been listening. And listening. And listening. The funny thing is the more I listen the more I wonder how I ever functioned without these memories... because they inform me to a large degree about who I am today.

I also wonder what I don't know now... and I have to have patience with myself for not speaking it into my consciously known memory.

I think many of us have memories we forget for a time and if we remember them we wonder how we ever forgot. Photographs are helpful and so are smells for evoking the past... But there are some memories that almost seem to have a life of their own ... (at least for me) and they just leave and return as they please.