The Pain...

My boyfriend is in England. Far... far away England. I love England. I truly do. However today I hate it. It makes absolutely no sense, I know. However I don't think I can talk myself into any other position at this moment. I apologize to any person from that beautiful country. Don't take it personally. I just wish to God above that your very great nation wasn't so far from here... Matter of fact I like that thought in general really. I really do like the UK... So it would work out nicely. I wonder if I went out, dug a really big hole and started pushing eastward if anything good would magically happen?

I fell asleep holding his shirt last night. It comforted me but made me feel worse when I woke up and realized that he was very much gone and will be for the next three weeks. Three weeks have never felt so horridly long in my entire life. Even when I was a child and I could hardly wait to get out of school for break I never felt this anxious for three weeks to end. My heart is in pain. I feel as though it is being pulled at constantly... And these 24 hours since his departure are the worst it will be because it is the most distant from him I will be. Each moment that goes by feels like a relief; like a pain that is slowly fading. It is brutally slow in it's fading though...

I am glad for Christmas. But I do believe time would pass by faster if it was warmer outside... Summer days always go by more quickly. This is the only part of winter that is fast... Thank goodness for that mercy.

My new job is going well. Thanksgiving was a blessing. His family is great. All of them. The cookies were terrible at first glance, in my opinion. I ran out of butter, had to substitute olive oil and did who knows what else wrong... They were, shall we say, extra crispy. However, they turned out to be fairly popular. I was more than shocked. People actually really liked them. My boyfriend's diabetic grandfather even ate a few against his better judgement and apparently he didn't regret it.

Today during my training session I saw a man who looked like my dear one walking nearby... For a second I thought it was him. Then I realized that that thought was ludicrous and it was a terrible moment. I don't know what's worse... smelling him on his clothes left behind or being far away from his anything. One makes me cry the other breaks me up inside. I've never been like this before. Really. It's not that long and yet... My rational mind is lost on this point...

I may need to eat a lot. Thank goodness again that it's the holidays. I will, no doubt, drop pounds if I don't eat more than usual.

I need suggestions of ways I can somehow assuage this feeling of longing. Perhaps I can make him something? Write him something... But it would have to be long. Otherwise I will finish it in a day. A short novel? But either way I must get lost in some activity involving him... I beg for suggestions my dear, lovely readers. No doubt you are an intelligent and creative people. Please. Help. Me.

And now I feel guilty. All those people who really do need help are out there and here I am begging for your time and thought... on the holidays. But please forgive me and if you are bored... well...

:)