Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Wedding had it's moments of loveliness amidst the freezing cold weather. It was wonderful to be with my mother's family. So many of them are such good people. I was even convinced, or rather pushed, literally, by one of my more effervescent cousins to dance a few times at the reception. I did The Twist in heels.
The rest of this post is going to be rather personal, so read on only if my musings about my personal life do not cause you to roll your eyes. :) Today I returned to work after being off for almost three weeks. And of course I saw "the new crush." Believe it or not I actually did very well this last week, after my "aha moment" several posts back. I've been doing so well it's shocking. But now I suppose comes the next step in my growth as a human being, because I've never been in the emotional position I am in before. I could see myself potentially hurting this guy. And that's just as scary as being hurt.
He started a warm and friendly conversation today. He was very curious about where I had been for so long and we joked about it. I think he might have missed me and I know I missed him. We actually spoke at some length. And I even caught myself flirting, which is something I NEVER do... But I did it.
The problem is that I also discovered that he was raised a Jew and is now an agnostic. At first, to many, this may not seem like a big deal. But, my parents and all their friends are Christians and have opinions about dating outside the faith. I am also a Christian, but I don't know how to begin to explain how I feel about it. However, I respect their opinions as I know they are just trying to prevent pain, confusion and problems. And since I am living with my mother at this time she will certainly know who I am and am not dating. We are close enough that it would be sad and difficult for her not to know... So... this could be interesting. I am afraid of either damaging my relationship especially with my mother or leading this lovely, kind, sweet and handsome man on... I don't want to have to pick.
Maybe I won't have to. Maybe he will lose interest in me. But, deep inside me I don't want him to. Because he is one of the most truly promising guys I've met in a long time... At least so far. Perhaps that is selfish? I don't know. I wouldn't want him to feel forced to agree with my beliefs in any way... But I also I pray to God, who I believe loves all of us despite what we do or don't feel about Him, that He will help sort it all out. I'm sure that there has to be some hopeful way of handling the situation without stepping on everyone's toes. I just hope I don't have to miss out on any sort of relationship with someone who could potentially be a dear soul... If there's even a chance of that happening anyway... In any case, I am much more at peace with this department of my life. And that is so much better than before.