I was walking home the other week after my orientation day at work and I had the feeling that some one was watching me. I looked up and, sure enough, my eyes met the gaze of a rather good-looking man approaching me. He blushed and smiled sheepishly as we passed each other. I tried to smile as well, but I was really too surprised by the experience to be very gracious. For the last couple of days he has been coming into the coffee shop and it is obvious that has been a regular customer for a while. But, every time I help him we both have red faces and few words between us. It is very ridiculous. I have to fight to gain composure whenever he arrives.
On a related subject, I must say that I am consistently appalled by the general attitude of many in the public towards my co-workers and me at the coffee shop. People are often impatient, demanding, neurotic, unreasonable and childish. I am dismayed by my previously incorrect, obviously naive, impression that people are rarely so awful on a daily basis. However, mercifully, there are those few blessed and beautiful customers who are so kind, or at least decent, that I feel that a complete overhaul of my entire world view is not yet necessary. In any case, the differences between these people are so extreme that they, interestingly, form two very distinct groups.
The handsome stranger with the red cheeks isn't in either group. He is much too unique, almost pleasingly silly, an adventure to fit comfortably in either category... I just pray that I will stop acting like such an absurd nitwit around him. Aren't I too old to be so daffy? Indeed, he may think I am totally an overwhelmed, fairly incompetent employee and therefore far beneath his standards for intelligence in females. And yet, he made a pun today about cold press coffee... Yes, a coffee pun. Of course, if I was convinced that he wasn't starring down his, albeit lovely, nose at me I would find the joke quirky and adorable. But, until I know further I will cling to that as my last emotional/mental defense.
In any case must try, painfully, to just enjoy the jarring but lovely excitement of the moment and let it go at that. If anything really will happen he will have to be the one to pursue it. I don't know anything about him.... really. But I don't know many things about tons things, and that bothers me deeply. I realize I will never know all that I want to know but there are some things that seem more frightening not to know than others. And not just on the matter of men. For a practical example, I need to know whether I want to go to law school or go to Wales. I need to figure this out. Because as young as I still am I am not becoming any younger.
Shoes. So many... many of them... I went shopping the other day at the mall with my mom. And they were so sparkly and shimmery. I took a picture of a gold pair of flats and hot pink, satin Kate Spade heels.