Lucky Lemonade

I spoke with Edgar last night. He is struggling with a deep, unquenchable love for his last girlfriend... There is no way in heaven or hell that I could compete with that... at least not now, and maybe never. Who knows if I will ever get my watch back. I'm not worried. I was tired of that watch anyway.

I feel pains of regret and yet relief. I fear that there was little way I could have been happy with him... not really. I could have tried... but... there were so many parts of my soul that he missed... Good person that he was and is. I harbor no ill feelings for him... only sympathy.

He has a tough lot to plough through emotionally... Part of me hopes he will win her back. Part of me wonders if she didn't exist if he would love me in a way that I can't imagine now... Perhaps I will never know... perhaps I will. Only brutal time will tell.

My self-improvement continues. Or rather, shall we call it, exploration. Because really that's what it is... I think there are some things I will consider still...

And what happens to lost dreams?

Are they stored away somewhere? Is there a land of lost dreams? Can you imagine what that would look like. A hallway with doors... rooms filled with boxes and piles of papers stacked away... a bit like the apartment of a reclusive artist... think Finding Forrester.

When you found the room of your family... you could look through the boxes and find... so much.

I remember once when I was younger I found a scrapbook from the 1930's in my grandmother's attic. Did I already write about that? I can't remember.... Anyway... She lost a lover to WWII...

And in that scrapbook were their letters.. On her deathbed she pulled out a ring he gave her.... a ring she had kept with her for over 60 years... Wherever they both are I hope they are together. If that is possible...

Because in a room of lost dreams... if it existed... would be that scrapbook for certain...

And I would like to hope that maybe... there would be some resolution... somewhere. Maybe. Of some sort... maybe...

Or maybe not.. But I can dream... can't I?

Lemons are always being turned into lemonade... I want to be a lemon... turn my life into lemonade.