I feel like complete waste... lost and dearly disappointed.
I don't feel my emotions until far after I am hurt generally... And they suddenly hit me. I just realized that I might never see him again... And I really did like him.
My heart feels torn up and beaten... I feel neglected and misunderstood... just plain hurt really.
Of course I ask myself how I got into this mess... and I realize that I did it by being nice... and trusting someone who didn't really deserve it. Even though he pretended to ... ...
I feel so incredibly cold inside. Honestly sometimes I wish I was dead... but as a famous Shakeaspeare character said "to dream... ahh there's the rub." Who knows what awaits me.. I like to think it's heaven. But who knows... There aren't any sure things...
At least it feels that way.
Maybe God just doesn't like me.
Or maybe He does...
I hope so.
So... despite this sad departure from my hopes for happiness... I guess I have to keep living for some damn reason.
I suppose there is a reason. And if there isn't than there sure as hell should be.