Monday, September 8, 2008

Coming Up Roses

I am taking a history class about archeaology. For this class I am reading a book about ancient Greek ruins... The author goes on about the title of his book and his grand allusion to some other author... someone who is likely supposed to impress the reader... So the title of this post is an allusion to Elliott Smith...

Someone who once read this blog and responded to one of my posts once told me that everything happens for a reason, and I think that that is true... at least I am beginning to think that. And so, I am struggling, but am at least partially at peace with whatever happens in my personal life...
Ah.... and back to the books. I am struggling to maintain attention... All I want is for it all to work... and make sense... and be alright.
Funny thing is, I just realized that I have always compared every man I admire to another man... Not my father, but a man I always wanted as my father. Not John... he was like a grandpa to me... No. Another man, who could have easily been my dad... but wasn't. He is dead now...
I wonder how much of Blondie I like, and how much of him simply reminds me of my ideal parent... Not that I want him to be my father... I am just projecting onto him what I think the ideal man must look like... Not actually physically necessarily... ... in every way.
In any case, I just ate a very unsatisfying ice cream cone and there is almost nothing half as disappointing in a middle-class American meal as unsatisfying ice cream... all those calories and yet nothing nice to look back on.
Damn. ... .... :)

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