Amish Paradise

This weekend I went to Lititz, PA to see my boyfriend... Edgar... ;)

I took the Amtrak Train to Lancaster, PA and he came to pick me up. It rained all day... and it was lovely.

At the Harrisburg Depot I met an older woman who had moved to Pennsylvania from New York. She was an astrologer. We talked about the election and Barack Obama... who her grandson from Long Island called "Rocka Bama... " She thought that even if the country needed him that we would do so much damage to him that it wasn't worth it to vote for him... I told my boyfriend about this and he suggested martyrdom in the horizon... I don't like to think that that would happen... But if it did he would only become larger than life itself... and more of a legacy... killing heroes never ends a movement of change... It only causes sadness... increased loyalty and defiance.

At least I think.

Anyway...

I finally got ahold of my best friend who is currently living in Long Island. She is amazing... and I've missed her so much. Hopefully I'll get to see her soon.

I'm falling more for Edgar... every time I see him. He is unlilke anyone I have ever been in a relationship with before... I've would never have imagined being with someone like him. He is truly a sensitive, sexy artist... and I feel bad by association just making out with him... I mean... it's like he's safe... but... bad at the same time. I love it. But yeah... I can't entirely put it into words but... He's both darkness and light at the same time... A walking mixture of contradictory elements...

Of course he is most like this when he is driving... And at other times. When we went rock climbing the other day we drove there over the Pennsylvania hills... listening to Muse... He loves that band... and... he played it REALLY loud... The whole car was shaking... and I felt almost... an indescribable tingly feeling... and scared... and yeah.. It was wild. And I liked it.. but... It was terrifying... and I liked it.

In general though, he is a bit of an elusive soul.... and yet embracing...

I feel as though I will find out a lot more about myself by being with him. Indeed.

There is a chill in the air tonight. I am ready for soup... and a sandwich... and a nice book...

I don't love him yet.. but if and when I do... it will be more real than anything before. I know that it's true...

And I feel odd... again.

And tired... and better... and odd... and lovely...