Calls Made to Friends (part I)

Last night I called my dearest friend and spoke with her for a long time. We made plans to visit each other and discussed what's going on in our lives. There's a project I am working on and she has agreed to help me. It's the sort of project that's hard to do while one is studying, so I think this is the most perfect time to do it.I also recently reread my older posts and I laughed... a lot. For some reason three themes have seemed to emerge over the last couple of months. Those themes are coffee, the length of my hair and Wales... What an odd combination of topics.

The other weekend I visited the neighborhood where my mother lived before she got married. In what used to be a kosher deli named Bernie's there is now a wonderful restaurant named Yum! It is very aptly named. We ordered a Reuben with a side of potato chips and split it as we meandered around the neighborhood. It was, of course, delicious. (I also took a photograph of a door in the restaurant because I thought the two spoons they used as decoration were delightfully quirky and yet also very pretty.)

Thursday night I sent a message on Facebook to my ex... The one I keep bringing up in many old postings. I was thinking that I didn't want to let what will likely be my last words to him be ones of anger and resentment... So I sent him a congratulatory message. I made it brief and to the point.

He did not respond and I expected that. The truth is I didn't want him to. I really have no desire to reconnect with him. There is no purpose to it. I care about him as a person, but do not desire anything more than what could be a friendship. Although, even that seems unlikely. But in any case I've been seeing lately, based on secondary sources, how much happier he is now than before they fell in love (with or without me). It's amazing how much difference one person can make in life.

Calls Made to Friends (part II)

I've also been realizing how much happier I am alone right now. There are so many things I need to discover and reflect on about my life. I feel the need to learn more about me. Of course that could potentially sound so selfish... but I don't know that it is really. I mean God made me who I am. He decided I should be me. No one else can be me. So there is a responsibility in that I think... to be lovingly honest and inquisitive about who I really am. I can't be and shouldn't be anyone else. I suppose this is a simple concept... and an old concept. But it's something I still have to work at.

So many people have died recently who are touchstones of our time in history. It's not that they were any more or less valuable as human beings than any other person, but at least for me, their deaths bring me to reflect on what it means to live.

My hair is growing. My natural color now completely covers my head. As I think about it... perhaps the reason my hair means so much to me right now is because I haven't had my natural color since I was 14 years old. I think I've been trying on different identities through my hair... which is fun really, at least for a while. But... I'm ready to just let it be what is really is... and I hope, with God's grace, that I will be kind enough keep it as such for a long time. :)