Sad

Well... I am about to go call him.

I don't feel particularly optimistic. I have a feeling I will hear distance in his voice... and watch as he slowly fades into the bleak horizon... one more... lost.

I don't know who to pull out of the character closet. Should I be sweet, understanding, gentle Muirin... or... feisty, confrontational Muirin who won't "take no bull!"

If I am rough with him I will probably get the truth out of him... but.. it might be nasty. It would be cheaper though... for both of us. And it would save time.

And I could get over him by the end of the month... I bet... and that would be convenient. I mean, let's be honest. I don't have time for drama. I'm trying to raise my GPA for graduate school applications...

On the other hand... if I am really sweet he might be more open... and the relationship might survive...

But... I just can't handle being let down again. I just can't.

So... here goes the works. I'll report tomorrow.

Too Soon Sally

I fear last night was the end of my happiness.

lol. Short lived... yes... genuine... yes..

But now it feels like things might be over very soon with the guy...

We had made plans for this weekend, but.... ... he seems uncertain now and has suddenly remembered a baseball game he promised to be in this weekend... out of the blue. Now I am supposed completely change my schedule and work around his stupid company baseball game...

And he is infinitely worried about what my mother thinks of him... Like... wtf.

I make my own fucking decisions. I'm the one you need to worry about pissing off buddy. :)

wow...

I'm an adult.... and yeah. I love my mother, but good grief. I shouldn't have told him anything... about her... because apparently it was a bad idea. Now I don't know if he's trying to be sweet or just using her as a front for his doubts about our relationship.

My mother is worried about what people will think if I stay with him at his house this weekend... and he's worried that he's going to "upset" her... I feel like I got lost in this mess... and have since ceased to be at all important... apparently he's in a relationship with my mother...

Oh my word. Wow... just.... fucking wow. How old am? 14? Wow... about half of my friends are married....

This concerns me. If he's skiddish about this... I can't imagine what could be ahead. I mean... I wonder if he's nearly strong enough in himself and... If he likes me enough!!...

I have my doubts. This doesn't portend well... not well at all.

Some people might say, hey... let it go... blah, blah... but I know better from experience that that doesn't work.